I realize that you either have read this long enough ago that you've probably forgotten, or maybe haven't gotten around to reading it at all, but I hope you can give me some opinion about this paragraph, right after Ethan asks Tom to cuddle...
"No, no, sir. Not at all. I, er... I'm quite used to sleeping all in one bed with my brothers and some neighbor boys." Tom curved his body and arm around the smaller boy, feeling vaguely glad that they had not found their way between the same layers of the accordion folds. The layers of muslin, though not allowing the best sharing of heat, offered some small barrier between them, and regardless of his attempt to put a good face on it in light of Phipps' apparent expectations, he had never had anyone wriggle against him quite like this.
Eor had put a question mark next to this paragraph in my original draft, and we'd discussed it, but then I completely forgot what we'd discussed and I rewrote it to this form, more explicit than my original. And then I wasn't happy with it, it nagged at me, and I went back to him and talked with him about it again, today. Actually what he had said was that he thought it was too early in the story to be bringing this up into Tom's conscious thoughts, and that I should just have him cuddle and not really think too hard about it.
no subject
"No, no, sir. Not at all. I, er... I'm quite used to sleeping all in one bed with my brothers and some neighbor boys." Tom curved his body and arm around the smaller boy, feeling vaguely glad that they had not found their way between the same layers of the accordion folds. The layers of muslin, though not allowing the best sharing of heat, offered some small barrier between them, and regardless of his attempt to put a good face on it in light of Phipps' apparent expectations, he had never had anyone wriggle against him quite like this.
Eor had put a question mark next to this paragraph in my original draft, and we'd discussed it, but then I completely forgot what we'd discussed and I rewrote it to this form, more explicit than my original. And then I wasn't happy with it, it nagged at me, and I went back to him and talked with him about it again, today. Actually what he had said was that he thought it was too early in the story to be bringing this up into Tom's conscious thoughts, and that I should just have him cuddle and not really think too hard about it.
What do you think?