We need a proofreader so damned badly

I've fought with the job placement site a little bit each night for the last couple of days trying to get my resume sorted and saved, finally managed it, and then looked for the proofreader job which someone mentioned they'd seen advertised... nothing. I should have realized they dreamed it. My department would never hire someone to write good English. That would be treating the plebes too good, giving them something understandable. Crap, I've been reading the same briefing over to people for the past few days and I swear that nearly every single sentence violates the most basic premises of how instructional texts should be written. You know how things should really read, "In X case, do Y. If this, then this." Every sentence in this briefing reads like "Do Y and Z in X case, unless Y."