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Saturday, when we were in the used bookstore with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
matushan I sort of half-looked for a book on journalizing. She was baffled as to why I'd want to learn how to write my journal, and I think I said something like, 'it's just that I think it's rather boring.' Later, when we were in Borders, there was a book of New Yorker cartoons. One had a guy writing what I put in my subject line, and the caption was something like, 'journalizing for those of low self-esteem.' So, she pointed that out and had a good laugh at me. :)
So, my finger is feeling about normal again. Though it was yesterday morning, too, and by the end of the day tossing luggage it wasn't feeling so good. I hadn't been careful enough on it. It hasn't been so much my finger keeping me from typing much, though, as just generally keeping myself busy.
Monday Teena and I went and hung around at a bookstore for a while, then came back here and made dinner, and that was fun. I haven't spent near enough time with her, lately, so I suppose that's why things seemed a little stilted. Hard to believe she's been back for a month, time goes by so fast.
Tuesday Mainertoo bought everyone pizza at Samuel's (a local pub) from what we refer to as "The Coke Fund." The newbies perk their ears up at the name. What it is, really, is Mainertoo runs the coke machine in our kitchen and uses the proceeds for parties for us every now and then. June attended this time, and insisted I go, so I went, but was unable to save her from the grilling of Mainertoo and CeeJay. They get their teeth into someone new (or in her case 'mysterious and exotic') and they want to know everything about them. She seemed like she was having fun at the time, so I didn't realize I should have stepped in, but at the end of the night when I dropped her off she said she will never go out with the group again, she's all set with that. I feel bad, and I could assure her that if she goes to something again I'll hit them if they ask any more questions, (and I will, too - they know a little punch from me is just affectionate.;)) but I'm sure it won't make any difference. She says it's not my fault, she's just, "not ready to socialize."
Not only that, but, because they were doing that I didn't feel like I could get up and go talk to anyone else. Hm, that should probably have been a warning to me that things weren't really okay, because I did know on one level that I shouldn't leave her alone because she wasn't feeling comfortable. I'll try to remember that in the future.
So, with things having been stilted with Teena and June unhappy with the party, my insecurities about socializing are coming up and I'm feeling like a failure. Oh, and not to mention, I still haven't phoned my brother, Eightball, and his birthday was on the 9th. Someone asked me why and I admitted it's because the last time I phoned him he didn't seem to want to talk to me. Even my Dad didn't seem to want to talk to me last time I was on the phone with him, and he's usually garroulous. I haven't written to my Mom. I haven't visited my Grandmother. I suck at human interaction.
Hey, did I mention I started my period yesterday? So, before you even tell me, I know - practice makes better, so I need to practice what I suck at, and not go curl up in a little ball and hide.
Breakfast needs to be made and lunch packed and work worked, so off I go, now.
matushan I sort of half-looked for a book on journalizing. She was baffled as to why I'd want to learn how to write my journal, and I think I said something like, 'it's just that I think it's rather boring.' Later, when we were in Borders, there was a book of New Yorker cartoons. One had a guy writing what I put in my subject line, and the caption was something like, 'journalizing for those of low self-esteem.' So, she pointed that out and had a good laugh at me. :)So, my finger is feeling about normal again. Though it was yesterday morning, too, and by the end of the day tossing luggage it wasn't feeling so good. I hadn't been careful enough on it. It hasn't been so much my finger keeping me from typing much, though, as just generally keeping myself busy.
Monday Teena and I went and hung around at a bookstore for a while, then came back here and made dinner, and that was fun. I haven't spent near enough time with her, lately, so I suppose that's why things seemed a little stilted. Hard to believe she's been back for a month, time goes by so fast.
Tuesday Mainertoo bought everyone pizza at Samuel's (a local pub) from what we refer to as "The Coke Fund." The newbies perk their ears up at the name. What it is, really, is Mainertoo runs the coke machine in our kitchen and uses the proceeds for parties for us every now and then. June attended this time, and insisted I go, so I went, but was unable to save her from the grilling of Mainertoo and CeeJay. They get their teeth into someone new (or in her case 'mysterious and exotic') and they want to know everything about them. She seemed like she was having fun at the time, so I didn't realize I should have stepped in, but at the end of the night when I dropped her off she said she will never go out with the group again, she's all set with that. I feel bad, and I could assure her that if she goes to something again I'll hit them if they ask any more questions, (and I will, too - they know a little punch from me is just affectionate.;)) but I'm sure it won't make any difference. She says it's not my fault, she's just, "not ready to socialize."
Not only that, but, because they were doing that I didn't feel like I could get up and go talk to anyone else. Hm, that should probably have been a warning to me that things weren't really okay, because I did know on one level that I shouldn't leave her alone because she wasn't feeling comfortable. I'll try to remember that in the future.
So, with things having been stilted with Teena and June unhappy with the party, my insecurities about socializing are coming up and I'm feeling like a failure. Oh, and not to mention, I still haven't phoned my brother, Eightball, and his birthday was on the 9th. Someone asked me why and I admitted it's because the last time I phoned him he didn't seem to want to talk to me. Even my Dad didn't seem to want to talk to me last time I was on the phone with him, and he's usually garroulous. I haven't written to my Mom. I haven't visited my Grandmother. I suck at human interaction.
Hey, did I mention I started my period yesterday? So, before you even tell me, I know - practice makes better, so I need to practice what I suck at, and not go curl up in a little ball and hide.
Breakfast needs to be made and lunch packed and work worked, so off I go, now.