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I woke up at 2AM with nightmares. It's great that I've gotten off the serious painkillers and got myself down to Tylenol and Advil, but I still have to sleep on my back, and that always increases the chances of me having these dreams where I'm paralyzed and the aliens are coming to get me.
I'd woken up at 2AM because I needed more pain meds and I wasn't able to get back to sleep. I tossed and turned for hours, literally; could not get comfortable, but after a while it seemed as if my legs started moving on their own, lifting and lowering of their own accord - trying to get the exercise I'd denied them during the day. It was pleasant and hypnotic, watching my legs go up and down, and it didn't seem to be bothering Eor. I heard what sounded like a power surge; something beeped in the kitchen, and a phone rang in a nearby apartment, and then I saw the spaceship through the window. I went to the window to see better and a light beamed in and started to suck me up - and then I woke up and realized of course that the aliens were not there to get me, I know what this is, this is just because I have too much of that stuff in my body that makes me paralyzed when I sleep. I drifted off again, but then I began to wonder, what if maybe they are? And then became convinced that they were, they were really there and now they were using a different ray which would reach right through the house and suck my mind out of my body and a was grabbing onto the bed and shuddering as the ray was sucking at my mind, I could hear them trying to break in the door, I was fighting with the ray and shaking the whole bed and trying to scream for Eor to help me, I got out a few whimpers - and woke myself up again. That time I sat up and decided that all sleeping was off. Of course I had to sit still and stare around me to make sure everything looked really right, and stayed looking right - that the bag by my bed didn't turn into a duck or the philodendron in the living room turn out to be something tall and lurking. And then I stood and put on my glasses and watched everything. Eventually, since I couldn't stand around for the rest of the night, and I couldn't stand to be in the dark, I put on my robe and went and sat in the bathroom, where I could have a light on and not bother Eor. Thankfully his alarm went off soon after that.
Now I feel so achy and horrible. Stretching might make me feel better, but I'm not allowed to do much of that. I thought a shower might make me feel better, but then I remembered what an ordeal that is, under the circumstances. Lately it makes me feel more shaky in the knees. And I haven't been allowing myself caffeinated tea, on the hypothesis that sometimes caffeine makes women's breasts hurt and mine are in enough pain already. Also, that when I get a chance to sleep, I should do so. But I am so damned fed up with feeling tired. I know that's natural, my body is healing, it's going to be tired. But then not being able to sleep! Not fair!
Which is why I've been concentrating on posting awesome things the past few days. Talking cats, pictures of pirates, Hugh Laurie acting like a dork. Did I ever get a chance to mention that when I was coming out of surgery and needed to eat, Eor brought me blue corn chips and cashews? Yum. :) And the first few days when I could barely use my arms at all, he was doing everything for me - putting my glasses on and off and tucking me in on the couch, helping me sit u and lie down. Not being able to use your arms is not awesome, but having someone who'll do everything for you and sleep near you at night really is.
Now maybe I feel bucked up enough to go take that shower.
I'd woken up at 2AM because I needed more pain meds and I wasn't able to get back to sleep. I tossed and turned for hours, literally; could not get comfortable, but after a while it seemed as if my legs started moving on their own, lifting and lowering of their own accord - trying to get the exercise I'd denied them during the day. It was pleasant and hypnotic, watching my legs go up and down, and it didn't seem to be bothering Eor. I heard what sounded like a power surge; something beeped in the kitchen, and a phone rang in a nearby apartment, and then I saw the spaceship through the window. I went to the window to see better and a light beamed in and started to suck me up - and then I woke up and realized of course that the aliens were not there to get me, I know what this is, this is just because I have too much of that stuff in my body that makes me paralyzed when I sleep. I drifted off again, but then I began to wonder, what if maybe they are? And then became convinced that they were, they were really there and now they were using a different ray which would reach right through the house and suck my mind out of my body and a was grabbing onto the bed and shuddering as the ray was sucking at my mind, I could hear them trying to break in the door, I was fighting with the ray and shaking the whole bed and trying to scream for Eor to help me, I got out a few whimpers - and woke myself up again. That time I sat up and decided that all sleeping was off. Of course I had to sit still and stare around me to make sure everything looked really right, and stayed looking right - that the bag by my bed didn't turn into a duck or the philodendron in the living room turn out to be something tall and lurking. And then I stood and put on my glasses and watched everything. Eventually, since I couldn't stand around for the rest of the night, and I couldn't stand to be in the dark, I put on my robe and went and sat in the bathroom, where I could have a light on and not bother Eor. Thankfully his alarm went off soon after that.
Now I feel so achy and horrible. Stretching might make me feel better, but I'm not allowed to do much of that. I thought a shower might make me feel better, but then I remembered what an ordeal that is, under the circumstances. Lately it makes me feel more shaky in the knees. And I haven't been allowing myself caffeinated tea, on the hypothesis that sometimes caffeine makes women's breasts hurt and mine are in enough pain already. Also, that when I get a chance to sleep, I should do so. But I am so damned fed up with feeling tired. I know that's natural, my body is healing, it's going to be tired. But then not being able to sleep! Not fair!
Which is why I've been concentrating on posting awesome things the past few days. Talking cats, pictures of pirates, Hugh Laurie acting like a dork. Did I ever get a chance to mention that when I was coming out of surgery and needed to eat, Eor brought me blue corn chips and cashews? Yum. :) And the first few days when I could barely use my arms at all, he was doing everything for me - putting my glasses on and off and tucking me in on the couch, helping me sit u and lie down. Not being able to use your arms is not awesome, but having someone who'll do everything for you and sleep near you at night really is.
Now maybe I feel bucked up enough to go take that shower.
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