way overdue for posting something

[derien]

Looks To Alaska poked me with a pointed stick and reminded me that I haven't posted in a while. So much going on that I don't know where to start. Which is part of why I've been to see the counselor. Three sessions behind me, now, and I think it's helping. I have only three more sessions for free (through my job) and then I guess I'll have to see if I can get my insurance to pick some up. So what I'm doing is every other week, now, to hopefully allow me time to mull and write in my journal in between. Which I've not really been doing, much. I seem always to have something else to do. (The sun is up, it's a beautiful day, I should be out moving firewood!)

The precipitating event... well. Back in March (I think it was) my brother, Monkey Hawk Longshanks, let me know that his doctor said he could not work because he was a cancer patient, and having a PA who's a cancer patient and therefore has compromised immunity, during a pandemic, might be a bit of a liability. Unfortunately, the cancer, which had been at a standstill for a few years, started growing again in his bones. The Tarceva stopped working.

So that had me a little upset, but... Then his wife, Minx Longshanks, asked everyone to do a little video for him to say happy birthday - deadline September 17. Well, that REALLY precipitated a tizzy, for me. Video recording myself, for starts, but then everything one normally says on birthdays seemed like it brought up mortality. Maybe that was all about my morbid state of mind.

The counseling got me to the point where eventually I did something. I looked like I was about to cry throughout it, but Minx said it was very evident how much I love Hawk, so I guess that's... kind of working, then. And it's now over, done, posted. AND Hawk says he's starting a new job! So he can't be thinking his prospects are all that short-term, now, right?

So why am I still seeing the counselor? Dunno, but I'm going to use up all the free visits, at least. Maybe she can give me some insight on how to deal with Eightball. I thought I had found a sure-fire gift idea for him - I thought I would get him the Discworld: Watch Series of books, because I thought he'd find them amusing and that being exposed to cynical Vimes thinking might be helpful to him. I think it was helpful to me. Universally, improving critical thinking skills is useful to everyone in every endeavor, right?

At any rate, he tells me he has not read the first two books I sent him, and he doesn't intend to read any others. He says he doesn't have time, because he does hard physical labor all day on the farm and then falls asleep in front of the computer trying to learn more about sustainable agriculture. It used to be all stuff about camping and surviving in the woods, then he moved up to building huts and houses, and now it's agriculture, so he's following the path of human evolution. Maybe he'll move on to steam power in a few more years.

I heartily approve of learning real skills, of course. But not reading? This I cannot conceive of. I've learned so much more about how to be a better human from reading. How to interact with other humans, small groups, how society works on a larger scale. I'm not good at that stuff naturally. And I can't not read. I read when I'm eating, on the toilet, waiting in line somewhere, cooking. How can there not be time to read?!? Boggled. Boggled, I tell you. Truly mind boggling. And it breaks me heart. I taught him to read. I must have done something wrong. So, yeah, another thing to talk with the counselor about.

Comments

[laurenthemself]

I'm struggling to read at the moment because I can't make my brain focus on it somehow, but that's different from not having time. I hope he can find time. It's Discworld.

[(Anonymous)]

I've done a little more thinking about the
reading thing. Reading requires a willingness to be open....
to ideas-experiences, sometimes worlds...
that does take a certain amount of energy...
Sometimes that type of exploring is more often done in one's youth....
He is your younger brother but is not young anymore.(trust me I know I would love to be either of your ages....:) but from the words you relayed he sounds tired with a sense of time &energy limits.
I wouldn't take it as a real comment on reading, Pratchett or your obvious
affection. Sounds like your little brother has a tiring life.
LTA

[derien]

Thank you for that perspective. He certainly does seem tired. I just don't get the not reading thing because I read when I brush my teeth. ;D But yeah, you have a good point.