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Had an excellent time out at Phoenix Landing - good stew, good cider, wonderful company. The conversation was thick and fast for two hours, and quite entertaining. I got presents, which I was a little embarrassed about - I had asked them not to - but I appreciated the thought behind them.:) Really nice and well-chosen stuff, too. I guess I feel funny because I'm afraid I won't be able to reciprocate as well.
After two hours we began to taper off, we'd said all we wanted to, just before the last invitee joined us. I feel kind of bad that he missed the fun part of the night, but it's not like you can make a person decide to go out and be sociable if they don't want to.
This was H., the same guy who I mentioned before who I was a bit annoyed with for not wanting to give me information. I asked him why he had done that, and he said mainly to annoy me! Sheesh. Well, I guess I do the same thing to him sometimes. If I haven't managed to get any interaction from him for a while, I might poke and prod at him until I can piss him off, just to get an emotional reaction. The making of a brat.
I wimped out on seriously confronting him for a couple of reasons... 1)He's moving away soon and might well drift out of my life anyway. As Eor pointed out, I don't want to push him away even sooner, and make it more likely that I never see him again. 2)I already wrote about how I feel on this subject, here. I'm sure he never reads it, but if he gives a shit about me he might, so he'll get the message and will hopefully decide talk with me about it at that point. 3)Every time I see him I can't feel all that angry with him, I'm just too happy to see him. So I decided to just nag and publicly mock him for being like that. And we went at loggerheads for a while, with me pestering him about the information thing and him refusing to give any - basically both of us saying "this is how I am and screw you if you can't accept me". We're way too much alike sometimes. And then later, when we were at ManRay (alternative/fetish dance-club in Cambridge), he danced right body-to-body with me. Only for a minute, but this is something he never has done (except for like 2 seconds about 4 years ago), so I don't know what the hell that means. But it was nice.:)
Let's see, what else... Scoped lots of girls and couldn't get up the courage to chat up any of them, as usual. But the eye-candy was nice. Met a couple other friends from where I used to work. Lots of hugs and kisses from everyone, which was very nice.
Bit by bit, I think I'm getting more comfortable (again) with myself as a sexual and affectionate person.:) I have always been a little fucked up about sexuality and affection. I like my sex, but didn't want to even hint about sex to anyone who I was not involved with. Mixed up with that, I convinced myself that I had some kind of problem with drawing a line between affectionate behavior and sexual behavior. And then I had a long relationship with someone who was really very messed up about sex and affection, so that set me back a bit. Now, after 9 years with Eor, who's pretty damn smart about this stuff and emotionally stable (not perfect, but nobody is - at least he KNOWS his sore spots and is realistic about them) and I'm finally getting myself a bit sorted out, and I can flirt and accept affectionate gestures from people a bit more easily. On some things there's still a ways to go, though.
After two hours we began to taper off, we'd said all we wanted to, just before the last invitee joined us. I feel kind of bad that he missed the fun part of the night, but it's not like you can make a person decide to go out and be sociable if they don't want to.
This was H., the same guy who I mentioned before who I was a bit annoyed with for not wanting to give me information. I asked him why he had done that, and he said mainly to annoy me! Sheesh. Well, I guess I do the same thing to him sometimes. If I haven't managed to get any interaction from him for a while, I might poke and prod at him until I can piss him off, just to get an emotional reaction. The making of a brat.
I wimped out on seriously confronting him for a couple of reasons... 1)He's moving away soon and might well drift out of my life anyway. As Eor pointed out, I don't want to push him away even sooner, and make it more likely that I never see him again. 2)I already wrote about how I feel on this subject, here. I'm sure he never reads it, but if he gives a shit about me he might, so he'll get the message and will hopefully decide talk with me about it at that point. 3)Every time I see him I can't feel all that angry with him, I'm just too happy to see him. So I decided to just nag and publicly mock him for being like that. And we went at loggerheads for a while, with me pestering him about the information thing and him refusing to give any - basically both of us saying "this is how I am and screw you if you can't accept me". We're way too much alike sometimes. And then later, when we were at ManRay (alternative/fetish dance-club in Cambridge), he danced right body-to-body with me. Only for a minute, but this is something he never has done (except for like 2 seconds about 4 years ago), so I don't know what the hell that means. But it was nice.:)
Let's see, what else... Scoped lots of girls and couldn't get up the courage to chat up any of them, as usual. But the eye-candy was nice. Met a couple other friends from where I used to work. Lots of hugs and kisses from everyone, which was very nice.
Bit by bit, I think I'm getting more comfortable (again) with myself as a sexual and affectionate person.:) I have always been a little fucked up about sexuality and affection. I like my sex, but didn't want to even hint about sex to anyone who I was not involved with. Mixed up with that, I convinced myself that I had some kind of problem with drawing a line between affectionate behavior and sexual behavior. And then I had a long relationship with someone who was really very messed up about sex and affection, so that set me back a bit. Now, after 9 years with Eor, who's pretty damn smart about this stuff and emotionally stable (not perfect, but nobody is - at least he KNOWS his sore spots and is realistic about them) and I'm finally getting myself a bit sorted out, and I can flirt and accept affectionate gestures from people a bit more easily. On some things there's still a ways to go, though.
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