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I didn't stick to the Dr's advice re caffeine for long at all. For a few days I managed with one cup, or two, then day before yesterday I made a double-bag pot, and yesterday it was a double-bag pot in the morning and a cup as soon as I got to work and another in the afternoon. I finished up the last dregs of that one just before 6pm. And then couldn't get to sleep last night. Grr. Damn it, it's just like junkies who relapse after rehab and then O.D. - I lost what little resistance I'd built up.
Also, though, I was fretting over having lost my temper with a passenger. The dragon emerged. This college kid - and he was from Bowdoin College, so you know he's probably not too dumb, just a spoiled rich kid - kept doing this whiny-laughing, babbling, passive-aggressive thing to one of my co-workers: "What do you mean it's too big? The thing is too big or the bag is too big? I don't understand! What do you want me to do?" Now, that sounds like he's actually asking for help when I write it out like that, but he was not letting the screener get a word in edgewise, so he was really just pretending. And as he rambled and said the same things over and over he was doing a lolly thing with his head that made me think he was stoned.
Suddenly I turned and started gesturing emphatically with the tool I was using, and said something along the lines of, "You need to be quiet and listen and then you'll understand! Now listen!"
He went quiet. So did every other person in the checkpoint.
And then all my co-workers decided that they had to be someplace else, right away, and that place was somewhere on the other side of me, so that they could bump into me, pat me on the shoulder and mutter that it was okay and I could calm down, now. I appreciate that to no end. I was able to collect myself and be absolutely sweet to the person who's bag I was actually checking.
I worry about this temper, though. I never expect myself to do something like that, and then as it's happening it seems like exactly what needs to be done. It's only afterward that I worry that I'm going to get called on the carpet for it. But I don't think I was really rude, I was just really really intense, because the kid needed to get focused. He wasn't getting anywhere, he was just wasting his time and ours.
So, yeah. I then fretted about it. We're all sick of coddling whiners, but that's what we're supposed to do.
And then I fell back asleep as soon as Eor left, until 8am. I'm finally starting to get going, again, after a double-bag pot of tea.
I'm wondering if trying the Wellbutrin again, just for the winter, might not be a good idea. I need to sleep quicker and better, and I need to be able to get moving in the mornings.
Also, though, I was fretting over having lost my temper with a passenger. The dragon emerged. This college kid - and he was from Bowdoin College, so you know he's probably not too dumb, just a spoiled rich kid - kept doing this whiny-laughing, babbling, passive-aggressive thing to one of my co-workers: "What do you mean it's too big? The thing is too big or the bag is too big? I don't understand! What do you want me to do?" Now, that sounds like he's actually asking for help when I write it out like that, but he was not letting the screener get a word in edgewise, so he was really just pretending. And as he rambled and said the same things over and over he was doing a lolly thing with his head that made me think he was stoned.
Suddenly I turned and started gesturing emphatically with the tool I was using, and said something along the lines of, "You need to be quiet and listen and then you'll understand! Now listen!"
He went quiet. So did every other person in the checkpoint.
And then all my co-workers decided that they had to be someplace else, right away, and that place was somewhere on the other side of me, so that they could bump into me, pat me on the shoulder and mutter that it was okay and I could calm down, now. I appreciate that to no end. I was able to collect myself and be absolutely sweet to the person who's bag I was actually checking.
I worry about this temper, though. I never expect myself to do something like that, and then as it's happening it seems like exactly what needs to be done. It's only afterward that I worry that I'm going to get called on the carpet for it. But I don't think I was really rude, I was just really really intense, because the kid needed to get focused. He wasn't getting anywhere, he was just wasting his time and ours.
So, yeah. I then fretted about it. We're all sick of coddling whiners, but that's what we're supposed to do.
And then I fell back asleep as soon as Eor left, until 8am. I'm finally starting to get going, again, after a double-bag pot of tea.
I'm wondering if trying the Wellbutrin again, just for the winter, might not be a good idea. I need to sleep quicker and better, and I need to be able to get moving in the mornings.
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