(no subject)

[derien]

I have a sports bra on! I had a hard time tearing myself away from admiring that in the mirror, I can tell you. I hope this doesn't make me vain. But it's so cool. It hasn't even been two weeks, yet, and I'm feeling as though I can pass myself off as a normal, healthy person.

I had my second follow-up, they snipped the fishing line that was holding my breasts together, told me I don't have to use the surgical pads anymore, the surgeon told me that I can take longer walks now, that I'm further along in healing than he expected I would be (I think he gives engineering estimates*) and I drove over to Wal-Mart (with a vague worry all the way that my breasts were about to fall apart without the fishing line) and got a pack of three cheap bras and one hook-front one which was more expensive. I wasn't sure I could pull the others with no closure down over, safely, but it worked with no problem. Surprisingly (to me) I'm getting a vibe from the people at the office that my breasts are going to get significantly smaller when the swelling goes down, which seemed to be why they were suggesting I go to Wal-Mart for the sport bras, but these things fit pretty much B through D so it's hard to see where I could get a smaller one. If I get much smaller I'll be in the A range! Which... well, I did tell him there's no such thing as too small. I hope he's not betting on my coming back for an increase next year, because that's not going to happen.

Now, since I can walk, I'm going to. Am off to Big Sky Bakery to get my granola I haven't had in a couple of weeks. :) And coffee? Hm. I'll see if there's decaf.

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*I wish I could recall the exact way Scotty put it talking to Geordy, but it was something like 'treble the time you think you can do it in and they'll always think you're a miracle worker.' Eor and I always use engineering estimate in opposition to marketing estimate, as marketing and sales people always tell you it will be done much quicker than it can be in order to make the sale.

Comments

[acanthaster.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's GREAT! You're healing so well! And don't worry, if you end up smaller than you like, you can always wear padded bras to dress up and NO bra when you feel like it! :-)

I'm so small, it's tough to even find bras that fit me, and I only wear them for aesthetic reasons (clothes hang nicer) anyway. I never wear one at home, and, frankly wearing one at all makes me feel smothered after a while and I rip it off as soon as possible. I didn't even wear bras at all until recently, but I've taken to doing it because I like more form-fitting tops than the oversized androgynous ones I used to favor, and I think, visually, that they need something underneath. (I'm pretty scrawny all over, though, so I'm sure you won't be as little as I am!) Anyway, I LOVE being small.

Think of the freedom! :-)

[derien.livejournal.com]

Hee, the freedom will be totally worth it, you're right. :) I'm certainly never going to regret this whole thing, even if they end up a bit smaller than even I wanted, because seriously, it's so much better than it was before, even now, without being healed up, yet. I can sit straighter without feeling like it's work every second, and, walking out today, I felt more like a normal person and more like ... I guess more like my mental image of myself has always said I ought to look. You know how they say there's a thin girl inside every fat girl? I guess there was a small-chested girl inside this big-chested girl, trying to get out.

Now I just have to work every day to make this belly smaller so it will fit. ;)

[acanthaster.livejournal.com]

I totally understand about the mental image thing. I don't know why I ended up so small, but I'm glad I did, because anything else would really be in conflict with how I see myself. I've always had the feeling that I ought to be able to pretend to be a boy if I wanted to. Not to pass for one (I'm not masculine enough, although I did used to be mistaken for a boy when I was younger and had a really short gamine haircut), but just in my imagination. So when I was young and had long hair, I always wore it in braids, not loose, and even now I have it short enough so I can always feel a bit androgynous. Having a different body type would feel really really weird to me, and I can't imagine how it would be to have something that you can't control like your breast size be different than what you feel is "you."

Sorry, I'm talking about myself way too much. I just wanted to encourage you! It's great that you live in such a fabulous walking city to help with your make-your-belly-match goals! :-)

[derien.livejournal.com]

It's quite okay if you talk about yourself - you have interesting things to say. It makes me think... I suspect that the reason I've always felt as though my breasts were too large for my mental image is because I tend to prefer an androgynous look, myself. I had recently gotten my hair cut 'Roman boy short' as Eor called it (clipped at the back of my neck so that the enemy can't grab it, like a Centurian ;)), I rarely wear makeup (except when I'm playing dressup, sometimes) and I adore flannel shirts.

I suspect people at work might think that I'm trying to look more dyky (I fear that reaction especially from my coworker, V., the very cute dyke who I mentored - she might think I'm trying to look like her!), but it's just how I feel comfortable. I used to wear a man's tie at work, and V. commented one time that she didn't think she'd be allowed to do that because she was so flat chested that people would really mistake her FOR a guy, which could cause problems.

And let's not even get into how many times people have said to me - with surprise, because the breasts fooled them - "You're so NOT a girl!" It's not only my attitude about clothes and makeup, but the ungirly thing goes into most parts of my mental structure. But I'm still far from being a guy, really, even though Eor has often (fondly) called me 'a guy with breasts.'

So, yeah. I see it as a kind of disconnect between what society is trying to tell me I should be and what I just naturally am. But it would all go back to Sociology for me, that was my major. ;)

[tronella.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear you're healing well :)

[derien.livejournal.com]

:)