Cursed

[derien]

I spoke too soon. Depression began to catch up with me today. And, this evening, as I attempted to put my after-dinner time to good use with job-hunting, I found that I can't e-mail out my resume (why I don't know, it just hangs every e-mail I attache it to), I can't update it on my website (my ftp refuses to connect properly), I can't put it on a disk (my 3.5 drive corrupts every disk I put in it) and I can't print it out (my printer has decided, suddenly, that black ink is too boring for it). I feel really cursed. My resume is up on Monster, so that's something.

Now, something which kept me up last night - How do I know if someone really thinks of me as a friend? Yeah, I know this is something I should have figured out when I was in high school and I'm almost frikkin 35, but I'm socially retarded, okay? I'd love some feedback on the comments page.

Comments

Risk taking

[eve-l-incarnata.livejournal.com]

derien wrote: But at some point one has to take the risk of putting more out there than what the other person has given so far, in order to find out what they might be willing to give. Otherwise you never get to know anyone.

As a risk taker from way back, I've been taking the initiative most of my adult life. Sometimes I get tired of it. I don't always want to be the one who calls first, etc... Some people are just takers, and I don't want relationships with them. I'm not Venus of a Thousand Breasts. I disagree that being the initiator is the only way to get to know someone... hopefully 50% of the time, other people will take the initiative.

Derien sez:
Oddly, some people will call you a friend, but then express great discomfort when you start to tell them too much, to the point of even saying they just don't want to know. If I'm a friend you want to know stuff about me, right? Because if you care, you're interested, right?

Well, yeah, friends want to know about each other and ought to be interested in each other's life. However... for instance, I have a friend who's into clocking his computer. At this point in my life, I don't know enough about what he's talking about to keep my attention fixed. I'm not sure I ever will be. So, he just doesn't discuss that with me. Another friend has some big-time jerky friends who have been repeatedly quite rude to me, so I'm not interested in hearing about them.

I'm curious what sort of issues/topics are seen as "too much" with these folks you hope are friends? I don't even approach being bi or polyamorous with most people here, although when people invite me to their church I gracefully decline and tell them I'm an atheist.