too much loss and change

[derien]

And okay, I'm PMSing, too, probably.

I've just spent I don't know how long trying to fix lunch while crying uncontrollably. It has just sunk in to me that H. is really moving away, and has no intention of trying to maintain contact. Eor has sat with me, hugged me, patted my head, and is now threatening to play the little airplane game with me if I don't eat. heh. He's such a sweetheart, I'm so very very glad I have him.

It doesn't seem to help much to remind myself that H. has been pushing us away as friends (giving us less and less information about himself, his life, and his other friends, even pointedly letting us know that he's hiding information from us) almost longer than the amount of time he let the friendship get closer. No, I still felt horrible that we had to move so far away from him last year, even though he'd barely been talking to us when we happened to see him at ManRay. And now, despite all else, despite the fact that I know H. doesn't want my affection at all, I feel like my heart is breaking and I might die.

It's not logical. I have to get over it. I will get over it. I know I will, this is just how I feel right now.

Comments

[eve-l-incarnata.livejournal.com]

Nae borra. You don't have to be Polly Sunshine for me. I would much prefer to be in your physical presence more often, rather than giving myself carpal tunnel typing. (Feel free to laugh, I know I'm not the most reliable correspondent.)

How is C these days? You can send that in e-mail, if you like. Contact info. would be appreciated, as I haven't heard from her in a year.

Geezus. I hope to hell that no one ever says that they see me as part of a unit. And... you know me... I'm the Anti-Cool. Screw people who have a "coolness" barometer.

I should get driving directions to your place, as it looks like I'm going to be going to Boston more often. And of course... if you come to Maine... you have a general idea where I live.