still the lamest

[derien]

Okay, I'm going to admit it.  I'm in a very down mood and have been all week.  Monday I threw up at work, and I blamed it on the apple I had eaten, but it seems just as likely that it was my mood which caused it.  I know it seems odd to blame it on either, but my stomach is usually fine with anything but fruit or stress, and recertification testing started Monday.  But passing the first two parts of the test on Tuesday did not make my mood go away.  Perhaps I'll feel better after the practical section of the test is out of the way and we're all done.

Right now I can't seem to get out of my own way.  I need to pay these bills on my desk and do the dishes.  And why does the basmati rice stink this morning?  Usually I love the smell of it cooking, but today it's making me sick. :(  What I should do is: Food, shower, do some dishes, write out checks for the bills, arrainge my lunch and pack my uniform, then if I have any time left I should just go out by myself to the coffee shop at the corner, sit down and write.  I feel like I've got ping-pong balls in my head.  No brains, just empty little plastic balls bouncing around.  If I could even get half the things on that list finished I'd feel a lot better.

There's buds on the trees and spring in the air.  I should not be feeling like this. 

Oddly, inscrutable posted (friendslocked) that he has a problem remembering previous states of emotion.  I have the same problem.  When I feel like this I know, intellectually, that I have felt differently in the past, but I can't seem to remember that on an emotional level.  That was the only post he's made lately that I felt like responding to, and he blocked responses. 

Comments

[derien.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry for being such bad company and so snappish. It's not that I don't appreciate your effort to cheer me up - I really do, more than I can say.

My Dad just phoned (maybe he really is psychic) and I snapped at him for a half hour about everything that's been bothering me - worrying that since I went to see the Ombudsman I'm going to be on the shit list and forced out of my job, as well as the recertification testing and the prospect that we might soon be using the training we got in DC (which was long enough ago that I've mostly forgotten it). And then I appologized to him.

[daegaer.livejournal.com]

No need to apologise! It's been a stressful time for you, and the job seems to specialise in making things difficult for all of you. I hope your day goes smoothly, and that bad things only happen to those trying to stress you out.

[derien.livejournal.com]

flowers! :) Thanks. ;)