because talking (and writing) is how I process

[derien]

I'm not asking anyone to respond to this post, I'm not posting this to be a sympathy whore, I just need to post right now.

Our stepmother called and told Hawk the news. Dad has cancer in his pancreas which has already metastasized to his liver. He wants to do chemo. Frankly, as I have said, I think if he could use that money on a trip to the French Riviera to watch the topless girls on the beach I think it would be much better spent. If you stop the cancer something else is going to kill him soon enough, there's too much failing in his body. I said to Eightball (because phone calls with him flew back and forth all evening) "Some people might think I'm heartless." and he said "No. You're practical, as always."

Anyway, off the work. The show must go on. Smiles, everybody!

Comments

[feverbeats]

*hugs* I know you're not asking for sympathy, but here is some, anyway. That's got to be tough. Hang in there.

[mizzmarvel.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry to hear this.

[derien.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It is nice to hear from people, makes me almost feel like I am talking, not just ranting to myself.

[mxdp.livejournal.com]

Not heartless, no. I am sure you care about him, and it might be the best thing. But he has to chose what he wants to do. I understand he wants to fight, even if it is useless.

Still --



:c

[derien.livejournal.com]

Thank you. And yes, I totally want him to make his own decision, I just don't want him to make it for the wrong reasons. Maybe he thinks it's just the thing one does, or that he should do it for us.

[cyberquail.livejournal.com]

Hugs...

I imagine you've been facing his mortality for a longer time than he has, hence your pragmatic attitude. I think it's admirable and unselfish on your part that you'd rather see him have a last blast than possibly gain a bit of extra time through chemo (which can be very unpleasant, as I'm sure you know). Heartless you most certainly are not.

[derien.livejournal.com]

Thanks, that means a lot to me. I don't want to see him sick and in pain, I'd like him to go out happy.

[beowabbit]

I’m so sorry. I just lost an ex to metastasized pancreatic cancer. In her case, it sort of made sense to do chemo and radiation therapy, because they thought they’d caught it very early and she had a reasonable prognosis with treatment. But after they finished the last treatment they did some sort of “how’d it go” imaging (or maybe exploratory surgery? I’m not sure.) and the answer was not good, and a week later she was dead.

I’m sure if she’d known how it was going to turn out she’d have skipped the chemo and radiation and had a much more comfortable last few months.

If I ever have advanced pancreatic cancer, I will certainly take your advice.

And I’m so very sorry, my best wishes to you and him and your stepmother.

[derien.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, I didn't even remember that it was pancreatic cancer for her, too. Knew it was cancer but the exact organ didn't ring a bell. This is getting too weird, as my stepmother's brother was also diagnosed with the same thing only a little over a month or so ago.

The French Riviera came to mind so spontaneously... I just thought "Warm, pleasant, and my Dad would love the topless women on the beach." Or maybe Tahiti would be better this year. :)

[daegaer.livejournal.com]

What terrible news, I'm so, so sorry :-( If he does do the chemo, I hope it helpshim, at least to give him some hope.

[derien.livejournal.com]

Thanks. And yes, doing something always makes people feel better. I'm going to advocate for the juice therapy idea Eightball came up with, as it seems less likely to make him sick.

[(Anonymous)]

Very sorry about your news-
hard choices all around.
Have to admit the warm naked beaches sound pretty good.
hugs & tea
LTA

[derien.livejournal.com]

LTA!!! *hugs!!* Haven't heard from you in forever, where are you??

[(Anonymous)]

I'm in Anchortown-
I do wish I had made it back to Maine last fall .....(almost took the big silverbird -then made the wrong choice and stayed here......
at this point I'm hoping for a visit this fall.....
pray to all the gods of seasonal work that a big fishy(job)
comes thru.
LTA

[peak-in-darien.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear that.

[derien.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I still don't know if I'm processing correctly. It's as if I've been mourning the loss of the father I grew up with for a long while.